Your kind Acceptance of my former Labours, has encouraged me to continue writing, tho' the general Approbation you have been so good as to favour me with, has excited the Envy of some, and drawn upon me the Malice of others. These Ill-willers of mine, despited at the great Reputation I gain'd by exactly predicting another Man's Death, have endeavour'd to deprive me of it all at once in the most effectual Manner, by reporting that I my self was never alive. They say in short, That there is no such a Man as I am; and have spread this Notion so thoroughly in the Country, that I have been frequently told it to my Face by those that don't know me. This is not civil Treatment, to endeavour to deprive me of my very Being, and reduce me to a Non-entity in the Opinion of the publick. But so long as I know my self to walk about, eat, drink and sleep, I am satisfied that there is really such a Man as I am, whatever they may say to the contrary: And the World may be satisfied likewise; for if there were no such Man as I am, how is it possible I should appear publickly to hundreds of People, as I have done for several Years past, in print? I need not, indeed, have taken any Notice of so idle a Report, if it had not been for the sake of my Printer, to whom my Enemies are pleased to ascribe my Productions; and who it seems is as unwilling to father my Offspring, as I am to lose the Credit of it: Therefore to clear him entirely, as well as to vindicate my own Honour, I make this publick and serious Declaration, which I desire may be believed, to wit, That what I have written heretofore, and do now write, neither was nor is written by any other Man or Men, Person or Persons whatsoever . Those who are not satisfied with this, must needs be very unreasonable.
My Performance for this Year follows; it submits itself, kind Reader, to thy Censure, but hopes for thy Candor, to forgive its Faults. It devotes itself entirely to thy Service, and will serve thee faithfully: And if it has the good Fortune to please its Master, 'tis Gratification enough for the Labour of
He is no clown that drives the plow, but he that doth clownish things.
If you know how to spend less than you get, you have the Philosophers-Stone.
The good Paymaster is Lord of another man's Purse.
Fish & Visitors stink in 3 days.
He that has neither fools, whores nor beggars among his kindred, is the son of a thunder-gust.
Diligence is the Mother of Good-Luck.
He that lives upon Hope, dies farting.
Do not do that which you would not have known.
Never praise your Cyder, Horse, or Bedfellow.
Wealth is not his that has it, but his that enjoys it.
Tis easy to see, hard to foresee.
In a discreet man's mouth, a publick thing is private.
Let thy maidservant be faithful, strong, and homely.
Keep flax from fire, youth from gaming.
Bargaining has neither friends nor relations.
Admiration is the Daughter of Ignorance.
There's more old Drunkards than old Doctors.
She that paints her Face, thinks of her Tail.
Here comes Courage! that seiz'd the lion absent, and run away from the present mouse.
He that takes a wife, takes care.
Nor Eye in a letter, nor Hand in a purse, nor Ear in the secret of another.
He that buys by the penny, maintains not only himself, but other people.
He that can have Patience, can have what he will.
Now I've a sheep and a cow, every body bids me good morrow.
God helps them that help themselves.
Why does the blind man's wife paint herself.
None preaches better than the ant, and she says nothing.
The absent are never without fault, nor the present without excuse.
Gifts burst rocks.
If wind blows on you thro' a hole,
Make your will and take care of your soul.
The rotten Apple spoils his Companion.
He that sells upon trust, loses many friends, and always wants money.
Don't throw stones at your neighbours, if your own windows are glass.
The excellency of hogs is fatness, of men virtue.
Good wives and good plantations are made by good husbands.
Pox take you, is no curse to some people.
Force shites upon Reason's Back.
Lovers, Travellers, and Poets, will give money to be heard.
He that speaks much, is much mistaken.
Creditors have better memories than debtors.
Forwarn'd, forearm'd, unless in the case of Cuckolds, who are often forearm'd before warn'd.
Three things are men most liable to be cheated in, a Horse, a Wig, and a Wife.
He that lives well, is learned enough.
Poverty, Poetry, and new Titles of Honour, make Men ridiculous.
He that scatters Thorns, let him not go barefoot.
There's none deceived but he that trusts.
God heals, and the Doctor takes the Fees.
If you desire many things, many things will seem but a few.
Mary's mouth costs her nothing, for she never opens it but at others expence.
Receive before you write, but write before you pay.
I saw few die of Hunger, of Eating 100000 .
Maids of America, who gave you bad teeth?
Answ. Hot Soupings & frozen Apples.
Marry your Daughter and eat fresh Fish betimes.
If God blesses a Man, his Bitch brings forth Pigs.
He that would live in peace & at ease,
Must not speak all he knows, nor judge all he sees.